i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
