You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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