If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it because I queefed?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
