Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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