i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
