We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bring me that man meat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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