Barsexuality is the new black.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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