But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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