When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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