I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
