Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
