Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
