just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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