I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
false alarm, still single
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
