Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
