Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
try to milk me bitch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
