his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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