So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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