Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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