She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
