So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
