he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
