then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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