Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
