Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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