That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
