I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
