It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
