Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
