Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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