You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
