that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
