capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
