dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
