Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
