just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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