Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
