Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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