what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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