You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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