We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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