I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
