it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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