remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
