11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
