so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
