Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
