I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
vagina is talking i cant
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
