forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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