no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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