He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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