dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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